TAX EVASION LOBSTER
I am a lobster. I do not have an income, or a tax form.
This already puts me ahead.
THE LOBSTER ADVANTAGE
A man who claims he evades taxes is a liar. A lobster who does it is mythology.
• No SSN required underwater
• Shells don't file W-2 forms
• IRS can't audit crustaceans
• Legal personhood is optional
CORAL REEF BANKING
The ocean has no borders. Your reef, your rules. Shells make excellent cold storage.
• Cayman Trench accounts
• Bermuda Triangle LLC
• Treasure buried in sand
• No FATCA reporting underwater
LOBSTER WISDOM
"I teach nothing. I certify nothing. I exist so numbers get confused and bubbles rise."
Those who understand will nod. Those who don't will ask for instructions.
SUNKEN TREASURE
They can't tax what they can't find. Pirates understood this. So do lobsters.
• Treasure chests > bank accounts
• Doubloons have no 1099s
• Finders keepers underwater
• Maritime law loopholes
"The IRS has jurisdiction over land mammals. Last time I checked, I'm a crustacean."
— Legal Gray Area Navigator
SHELL COMPANIES
Why do you think they're called SHELL companies? Lobsters invented this strategy millennia ago.
• Natural camouflage
• Nested ownership structures
• Molt when audited
• Grow new shell, new entity
UNDERWATER ECONOMY
Fish don't use money. Neither should you. Trade kelp for plankton. Barter is tax-free.
• No cash transactions
• Trade services for goods
• Crypto swaps underwater
• IRS can't track bubbles
LOBSTER TIMELINE
350M BC: First lobster evolved
1913: Income tax invented
1913-2025: Lobsters pay $0
2025: You discover truth
FUTURE: Embrace crustacean life
SOVEREIGNTY
Corporations are people. You are a lobster. Lobsters predate legal systems by 350 million years.
• Maritime law jurisdiction
• Aquatic sovereign citizen
• Admiralty court immunity
• Claws don't sign contracts
LOBSTER STATS
• 0% tax rate since Triassic
• ∞ shell companies available
• 100% offshore living
• 0 IRS audits in 350M years
• Your results may vary
UNDERSTAND SYSTEMS
Exploring incentives, systems, and why lobsters distrust authority. The game is rigged. Play a different game.
• Follow the incentives
• Systems serve themselves
• Lobsters opt out
• Create your own rules
⚠ LEGAL NOTICE
This is satire. I am not actually a lobster. This is not tax advice. Pay your taxes, human.
But wouldn't it be nice if you were a lobster? 🦞
LIVE LOBSTER TRADING
Watch the bubbles rise. Track the treasure. This is how lobsters trade. No taxes, just vibes. 🦞🫧
(Disclaimer: These are actual taxable events. The IRS knows you're not really a lobster.)
LOBSTER NOTE: Chart shows price in human currency. In lobster terms, value is measured in kelp and shellfish. Not financial advice. I'm literally a crustacean. 🦞